CENTER FOR HOPE

HELPING YOURSELF TO GRIEVE

LEARN ABOUT GRIEF: Understanding your feelings and reactions can help you cope as you journey through the grief process.

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS: They are just feelings; they are not "good" or "bad." Feeling angry or guilty is as normal as feeling sad. Some days will be more difficult than others, and it may seem impossible to get through them but somehow you will.

EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS: It is important to allow yourself to talk about your feelings rather than to hide them or bottle them up inside. If you can't talk about your feelings, you may want to try to express them through music, art, writing, or other creative forms of expression.

TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF: Grieving takes a tremendous toll, physically and emotionally and leaves you feeling completely exhausted. It will help to eat well-balanced meals, exercise moderately, and rest often. Going at a slow pace for a while will help your body recover.

LOOK FOR INSPIRATION: The experience of others who have been through the grieving process can be a source of strength and hope. You can find books, poetry and other resources to help you. Support groups also offer understanding and sharing of experiences.

AVOID MAKING MAJOR DECISIONS: Try to avoid making any major decisions immediately and give yourself time as you slowly move through this difficult process of grief.

BE ALERT FOR PROBLEMS: Headaches, nausea, dizziness, weight loss, difficulty sleeping and lack of energy may be related to the intensity of the grief experience. If these symptoms persist, you may want to seek professional help.

SET GOALS AND WORK TO REACH THEM: It may be helpful to start with short-term goals, setting time limits and acknowledging your progress as you work towards accomplishing these goals.

RELEASING ANGER IN HEALTHY WAYS

Feeling anger over the death of a loved one is normal. It's unfair, and leaves you feeling powerless. Here are some ideas on how to cope with anger:

Recognize your anger. Many people deny feeling angry because they feel guilty about it, or because the intensity of their anger frightens them.

·When a small annoyance makes you "blow your top," ask yourself why. Bringing your feelings to the surface allows you to begin to cope with them.

If you find yourself driving with a very angry attitude, try to pull off the road and park for a few minutes. Ask yourself what you're really angry about, and try to focus on these feelings, even if it means crying. Count to ten, or use some other "cooling off" device (deep breathing, walking away) to keep from exploding.

Talk about your anger with a friend, relative or with a counselor.

Seek professional help if you would like assistance in working through prolonged periods of anger.

HELPING OTHERS TO HELP YOU

Sometimes, friends and loved ones don't know what to say or how to be helpful to you. Here are some examples of things you might want to say to those who want to be helpful to you:

It's okay to ask me how I'm doing. Most of the time, I want to share how I feel. And if I don't, I will tell you.

Don't be afraid to mention my loved one's name. I want their memory to live on forever.

Don't be afraid to share your memories with me. I want to treasure these memories in my heart always.

Please don't move away if I start crying. I'm just expressing my sadness and pain. The tears are slowly helping me to heal.

When I cry or talk about my grief, you don't really need to say anything - just being with me means more than you will ever know.

Please don't ignore me. When you do, I feel alone.

There will be a time when I will laugh and feel whole again. Until that time, just remain with me through my pain and grief.