CENTER FOR HOPE

CHILDREN'S GRIEF

"Children feel, even if they do not understand.
Understanding comes later … the feelings need a hug"

Doug Manning

Helping Children Grieve

It may be very difficult for grieving parents to find the strength to help their other children, especially in the first weeks after their loss. But children need to know that their grief is normal, and they need to express what they're feeling. You may want to ask other adults in your circle of family and friends to assist and support you during this time of pain and sorrow.

Give children permission to express their feelings. They often withhold their feelings because they think that talking about the death will cause pain to others. Tell them that grief is a normal way of coping with a devastating loss.

Ease the way for them. Children and adolescents may not have the words to explain what they're going through. Here are some suggested ways adults can provide children with opportunities to release feelings:

Rituals - candle lighting, praying

Artistic expression - drawing a picture of how you feel

Sharing memories and stories together

Remembering your loved one and crying together. Listen carefully to what your children say. Paying attention helps them know that their feelings are normal as they attempt to come to terms with the loss.

Allow your children to teach you about their experience of grief and give them permission to let you know what they need.

Be alert for children exhibiting these reactions:

· Aggressive behavior
· Withdrawal, or very passive behavior
· Changes in eating or sleeping patterns
· Prolonged periods of weeping
· Changes in school grades
· Symptoms associated with the illness or injury of the deceased
· Repeated expressions of guilt or fear

You may want to seek help if these reactions are persistent and ongoing.